I’m so tired of the damn architecture here. Everything looks like it’s a half-assed preservation of what it looked like in the God damn middle ages. Why? To preserve “culture” or whatever? What does that even mean?
I just watched a movie called, “In Bruges” since it’s a Sunday night and I have class at 8 AM tomorrow, so I really can’t do anything tonight, and I was so pissed off at just what Bruges looks like. No doubt, if sight seeing is your cup of tea, you’ll love it, but it isn’t for me. No doubt, there is a thing such as landmarks that need to be protected and preserved for for future generations. But I’m tired of walking about this damn city and it looking like a bunch of woodland elves are about to come out of their weird ass forest hubble and make me some shoes. It’s depressing.
It’s these buildings that all look the same, but they change the color scheme to make it stand out from the rest of the city. But I can tell you, on my 4 1/2 hour train ride from Frankfurt to Erfurt, all I saw was the same building, built with about 28359235 different colors. It’s ridiculous.
I don’t know why it annoys me. Granted, there are places in the US that like to preserve that silly “colonial” style that everyone seems to have such a hard on for, like Williamsburg, but that’s a major minority of the States. You have suburbs. You have cities. You have… Idiosyncrasies wherever you go. I just feel like here, Europe is so caught up on being the cultural epicenter of the world for so long, that they have to memorialize everything in order to make themselves appear more grand than they are.
“It’s a fucking fairy tale city.” That’s what they say all of the time in “In Bruges.” Yet the main character hates it. And I would hate it, too. I’m starting to realize that maybe study abroad wasn’t for me. And yeah, I’ve had a lot of shit going on in my life. I’ve had financial instability back home that doesn’t allow me to truly experience Europe, I’ve had a girlfriend I wanted to marry dump me, I’ve had a good friend die. But I feel like they’re more symptoms of the problem than the cause of it. The cause is here.
It’s all about who you’re with abroad. If you make friends, and you have a good time with them, you’ll be happy. But I have friends, and I like them, and I’m still not happy. That’s not to say I’m miserable. I’m telling you right now, I was miserable about 2 weeks ago. But I’m not anymore. I’m just… So content. And I’m tired of being content. I want to be happy. I want that amazing adventure that all of my friends tell me about when they come back from Scotland, or Spain, or France. I haven’t gotten that. And I don’t know if that’s MY fault, or the fact that I really am not the kind of guy that was made to love being abroad.
I’ve been trying to study abroad for 3 years, since the end of my senior year of high school. And I’m past the point of “culture shock” where I am depressed because I’m not home where I’m comfortable. I think it’s time that maybe I realize that I just made a mistake.