Cigarettes

So, evidently smoking is a thing here.  Like, I’ve been to New York City, the veritable asshole of America, and the amount of people that smoke there pales in comparison to the amount of people that smoke here.

The way I see it, is you know kids in the States steal booze and drink exceedingly because that’s the thing to do?  THAT is how it is here.  People just do it.  They get cigarettes anyway they can, and smoke them.  It’s so interesting.

I was talking to my mentor, Marius, about how evidently Germany is divided into two camps: kids born about 20 years ago, and kids born later.  The kids born before 20 years ago smoke like chimneys, and the kids born after that were indoctrinated by schools and such to think that smoking is some sort of, “sin,” and that they ought to be ashamed of it.

Marius was a smoker for 13 years.  That’s really interesting to me, since he’s only 24, and he quit about a few months ago.  I respect people that have the tenacity to quit smoking.  I obviously agree that smoking is absolutely abysmal for your health, and that if you do it long enough, you’ll die, but the fact is, it’s addictive.  Marius beat the damn system, if you can call it that.  He overcame his own addiction to smoking, and doesn’t do it anymore.  That’s top notch, if you ask me.

I’m not going to stand here and pretend I’m above all of this.  I’m 21 years old.  Even in New Jersey, where the smoking age is 19 (which, by the way, is stupid as Hell.  OH YOU’RE REALLY MAKING A DIFFERENCE, MAKING THE SMOKING AGE A YEAR OLDER THAN THE REST OF THE GOD DAMN US.  It’s stupid that when I turn 18 I can’t drink, but evidently I’m old enough to be shipped off a die for some drafted war I don’t even believe in), I have smoked a few cigarettes in my day.  My brother’s a chain smoker.  I love him to death, but it’s one of the things that I think he should stop doing.  But I’m not going to pretend that his decisions didn’t influence mine.

I smoke here.  Like, a lot.  I don’t know if it’s the stress of being here, or the absence of doing much, but I smoke more than a God damn coal mine.  I never used to do that.  It used to be that I would smoke when I’m drunk.  A good, social, slightly intoxicated cigarette is one of the best pleasures that life has to offer, in my humble opinion.

But here, it’s so easy.  I’m not saying it’s more available, because it’s not.  But it’s easier.  You don’t feel as ostracized, or as much of an outcast, because everyone is doing it, and I mean EVERYONE.  I can’t even walk down the street without seeing a couple smoking each other’s cigarettes.

I guess what I’m saying is that cigarettes, for all of their awful, harmful, nonsense, serve a function.  They somehow trick your body into not being so stressed all of the time.  They trick your body into releasing hormones that tell you, “HEY, NOTHING’S GOING ON, EVERYONE’S OKAY, CHILL THE FUCK OUT, NO BIG DEAL,”  and your body believes it.  Your mind believes it.  Your heart believes it.  I think that’s why I started smoking here.

Now, I’ll tell you right now, I’m not making this into a habit.  I’ve been tempted by my brother for the past 6 years to smoke, and even when I smoked a few a day with him, I always quit.  I will quit.  If there’s one thing I’m proud of about myself, it’s my will power.  If there’s something I want to do, I WILL do it.  So smoking will not be a problem for me.  I will get over this.  But fuck, it sure as Hell is a nice reprieve.  As anyone that’s read my past few posts will know, things haven’t been exactly easy here.  So a nice Marlboro every now and again kind of soothes my frustration.

Evidently alcoholism runs in my family.  I plan on beating both addictions.  You mark my words.

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